Letting Go

Dear readers, thank you for taking the time to read my blog. How much personal business we should share on our blogs is a discussion bloggers engage in frequently. Indeed, my favorite blogs are the ones where I feel like I get to know the writers because they share a little of their lives. Through blogging, I have gained a network of friends who share my interests. People who understand me, and who are a constant source of support.

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As you probably know, I've been going through a strange illness for over a year now. It's something rare, and I am fortunate to have the best doctors caring for me. But they are stumped and there's little they can do to help. I am attempting natural treatments. I lost my job late last year, and thank God for ARRA passed by President Obama. Because the employer is required to subsidize 65% of my COBRA costs, I can afford my health insurance. Still, the price of copays and prescriptions is whopping. Especially without a job.

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Warning! Digression follows. I won't even go into the vast corruption of Sallie Mae and how they are chocking me. I'm college-educated, which was a difficult feat. I worked fulltime, and put myself through college. Instead of being rewarded for my tenacity, I am treated like a criminal. Listen kids, go to school however you can. But don't borrow the money from the government. Please send me an email if you want more information or if you've experienced difficulty with Sallie Mae. If you've had a serious illness, you already know how in shambles our medical care is in this country. There are not enough doctors. If you are interested, here is an article about a woman who put herself through medical school and how she is being treated (link). It's appalling! Why are we as a society treating people this way? We must be educated. It's a necessity. But we can't make it impossible for people to get educated and then penalize those few who actually make it through the quagmire of higher education. America will not be a super power in short order if we continue in this fashion. End digression.

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For the first time in my life, I have had to ask my family for help. It was very difficult for me to reach out, I am used to being strong and independent. I may be moving into my brother's home. He has a lovely home in a quiet neighborhood. The thought of potentially giving up my independence scares me. And, of course, letting go of my humble little apartment is sad. I've loved living here, and this little apartment has spurred so much creativity.

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At the same time I'm feeling optimistic. What better time for new beginnings than Spring? Perhaps some good can come from the economic downturn. Perhaps we've become too much of an individuated society. Perhaps that lifestyle is not sustainable. Perhaps we can learn to come together with our loved ones to share resources, while maintaining our precious individualism.

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Perhaps it will be wonderful living in a house. I have lived in apartments all my life. I wonder what it will be like not to sleep with street lights blaring in the windows and sirens and helicopters piercing the night. I wonder what it will be like to park in a driveway and not have to carry groceries several blocks and then up three flights of stairs. I wonder what it will be like not to worry if I will step in dog shit or cigarette butts every time I step out of my building. I wonder what it will be like not to have to worry that there will be a homeless person in the laundry room, or if I will encounter someone bleeding on my doorstep. Because that's what it's like when the rent is cheap.

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Perhaps it will be heaven. I thank God for my family. I have felt sorry for myself for a long time for being single. How naive. The qualities I have looked for in a man, I am finding in my family. There it was under my nose all the time. I feel loved and protected. And time. Well, it's precious. Much too precious to waste being miserable or being with someone who treats you badly.

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As you know, I've been getting a jump on Spring cleaning and downsizing a bit in anticipation of a move. If I do move, there will be a lot more downsizing. It feels good, stuff can be such a burden. I have to admit that I am a collector, and even if I just have a small room, I can make it beautiful. I'll be blogging about this process. I hope you will join me on this journey. xxoo

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[Post dedicated to Jessie of My Mod Style.]