Social Media Updates and a New Direction

Hello dear readers!  Hope you are doing well, I've missed you!  Thank you for all the kind emails I've received.  If you've been reading my blog for a while, you know that I have been suffering with a strange and rare illness for about four years.  last week I experienced an inordinate amount of stress, more stress than a human should have to go through.  honestly sometimes i think god trusts me too much, lol.  i had a particularly bad flare up and thought it was my time to check out.  thankfully, I made it with the loving care of my family.  i'm not ready to go, i still have so much to do.  i am so grateful i have so many people who love me, i wouldn't be here if it weren't for them.  i worry that i'm not worthy.  i worry about overburdening or overwhelming them, they (like everyone these days) are leading busy lives.  they have their own crap to deal with.

but this isn't a post about illness.  i'm trying to remain positive.  it's true what they say about positive thought.  it works!  i have acopula exciting announcements and a few changes in how i'm going to use social media.

1.  i am writing a book!  yes, indeed. this is one of my lifelong goals!  it is the story of my life, and i am not holding anything back.  there will be laughs and tears.  i am excited that i will be working with my dear friend, Haley Litzenger, who will be my editor.  

2.  you will be seeing pictures of me on this blog!  i have a confession to make.  i am old and fat.  but Haley has convinced me that i am fabulous.  it's true.  each of us are fabulous in our own way.  we are each unique, and isn't that a miracle?  god don't make no junk.

3.  i am experimenting with typing in lower case!  the reasons for this are as follows. in some languages the use of the pronoun "I" is not capitalized and it is actually seen as arrogance. using lower case reminds a body to remain humble.  though i am fabulous, i'd like to remain humble.  two, i've gotten extremely busy and unable to keep up with twitter, facebook, blog, emails, etc.  typing in this fashion helps speed up the process for me. three, one of my favorite daily reads, sfgirlbybay, uses lowercase. i've long experimented with lowercase in creative writing classes, before i ever read her blog. however, when i read her blog it confirmed for me that i like it.  Victoria is just the right amount of fab, edgy, sweet, bohemian girl with humility.  i always leave her blog feeling happy.

Update 6/12/13:  I am abandoning this experiment for the time being, but may resume at a later date.  Will explain in a subsequent post.

4.  i will be reorganizing the blog a little!  over the next coupla days i will be making little cosmetic changes, updating links, etc.  this is my least favorite part of blogging, the mechanics, so i tend to procrastinate. also there's a pesky little thing called....time.  there's never enough of it.  i've thought many times over the years of quitting blogging. but somehow, every time i think about quitting, i get a kind comment or email and i am enthused all over again.  ain't the cosmos grand?

a thought occurred to me when reading another of my favorite blogs, My Mod Style.  i have been following the fabulous Jessie  for so long i feel as if she is my friend.  at first i felt terrified when i started seeing bloggers who got mega huge. they started meeting each other and attending conferences. i felt inadequate, excluded. yet, i adore my autonomy and anonymity.  i made a decision, if a blog makes me feel bad, i stop reading it and won't link to it.

also, i'm too friggin' lazy to learn HTML. it's been kicking my butt for a long time. Jessie has been kind enough to help me with that, but she's getting busy too and will soon need to require payment for her services.  btw - you must check out Jessie's vlogs.  they and she are fabulous.  i realized you don't wait until you are fabulous to do a personal post.  doing the post helps you gain the confidence to become (even more) fabulous.  we are all fabulous to begin with.

Erin at Design for Mankind helped me see that as well.  she posted vlogs of herself dancing, saying that she couldn't dance.  i marveled at her courageousness!  and i adored her!  i find her absolutely - ahem - well, fabulous.

Kim, of desire to inspire, has also taught me a great deal.  DTI is a mega huge blog, and i never feel like crap after reading it.  i like that Kim and Jo are spunky, and have the back bone to engage in difficult convos as long as you take ownership of your comments.  poor Kim has accepted my criticism of animal skin rugs with grace and humor.  i love you Kim!  there are few others, that are my favs, i will be including a heading on my side bar with my daily reads.

5.  i am changing my use of the social media!  for now. may re-evaluate this decision as time goes on.  things change so quickly, it's hard to keep up.  here's my current plan:

a.  abandoning Art Wanted.  enjoyed while it lasted, but largely a waste of time (for me).

b.  etsy.  also abandoning as a seller, not a buyer.

c.  flickr.  love flickr, but can't afford the fee for a pro membership.  as you know, i've been out of work a long time.  i used to rely on flickr to be my storage option for my photos.  when pro expires, you can only see 200 of your photos, and i have probably 1000.  i find that sad.  what if a person passes?  i like feeling as if i am leaving behind a portrait of me.  that's why i like to blog.  it's self expression.

Update 6/12/13:  Apparently, flickr has heard my cries!  Hooray!  Flickr now provides 1 terabyte of storage for free!  I am no longer abandoning flickr.

d.  facebook.  i have recently rethought my use of facebook.  during my crisis, i was able to keep in touch with people who worried about me.  i used facebook to update those i love regarding my condition, but also as a means of expressing my humor and desire to stay positive. this was very helpful in that my sister-in-law is an extremely busy professional who travels a lot.   in  the past i was annoyed at people who posted too much.  no longer.  i get it.  facebook is not some evil entity.  it is completely neutral.  it is all in how you use it.    it can be a marvelous tool.  i did not feel alone during my crisis.  i do need to work on balance and conserving my energy so will need to unplug from time to time.  blogging can be a 24/7 job.

i am toying with the idea of opening my facebook to the public, although i am still a little scared.  my two loyal readers (ha! joking) know that when i am having a bad flare up i don't blog for long periods of time.  opening up my facebook allows those readers the opportunity to see what's going on.  please send a friend request, if you'd like.  please note, however, for the time being i won't accept friends who appear to be violent.  please send a message with your request explaining why you'd like to be friends.  i look forward to hearing from you!

e.  pinterest.  i know ya'll miss my fabulous fashion, color and decor posts when i am ill. so you can also check in on pinterest.  it's easy and fun. they now include the sources of the images, which was my main criticism of them. also i have been experimenting with image searches in Google+, pretty amazing stuff.  don't fully understand yet, but working on it.  it always important to me to give artists credit. making art is hard work. artists deserve to make a living just like everyone else.  and thank god for artists, they make the world a better place.

f.  replies to commentors.  working on learning a more efficient way to do this.  i respond on the blog, but am not sure commentors see my response. jessie published detailed instructions on this topic, i just haven't had time to review them.  thanks jessie!

one thing about blogging, i learn every day. and the more i learn, the more i realize i don't know. when i first thought of starting a blog, i complained to my good friend, Nate, that i didn't know enough to blog yet.  he told me "let the people see you learn."  best advice i've  ever received.  you gotta dive in, if you wait for perfection, you'll never dive in. as you know, i've been giving up my perfectionist tendencies.  the journey is more important than the goal.  when i started blogging, i didn't know what i was doing (and still don't).  i just knew i was giving away too much for free with leaving comments on other blogs and i fervently desired a vehicle for self-expression.  blogging does that for me.  if someone notices me, or likes what i've written, great. but that's not why i do it.  i was pleasantly surprised that people all over the world commented about my art.  it's also okay if no one notices, after reading Rilke, i do it for me.  because i have to.  the first time in my life that i've been in total control.  i thank god for the marvelous technology that has allowed me to participate in the world.  i even had a voice in politics over the last several years.  something i never had in the past.

if you've read this long boring post, i thank you for your time and support!  please contact me if there is anything you'd like to see on this blog.  in addition, please forgive me that my portfolio is woefully behind and needs lots of work.  i made the mistake of relying on flickr for my online portfolio.  make no mistake, i adore flickr, just can't afford it.  i believe it should be free like facebook.

i am trying to put my house in order, not because i think it is my time, but for my own freedom and well being.  i finally understand forgiveness!  it's for me, not the person who supposedly hurt me.  carrying around hatred, anger, jealousy, resentment, etc. hurts us.  not the perp.  as you know, i am an advocate of non-violence, have studied extensively the works of Martin Luther King, Jr., Malcolm X, Gloria Steinam, Abraham Lincoln, Barack Obama, Mahatma Gandhi, the Buddha, and a little about Toltec cultures.  i highly recommend The Four Agreements, if you haven't read it already.  this is one of those books you should carry with you at all times.  it's simple, but profound. with concise instructions on how to live your life.  i refuse to harbor hatred, as it is an act of violence.  

my goal in life is to love unconditionally, without judgment.  i have cleaned up a lot of bad blood and feel so much lighter for it.  there is only one left who has broken my heart, that i may not be able to come to peace with.  i may have to come to peace with that i can't come to peace with her.

stay tuned.  i am going to be putting it all out there.  i am longer afraid.  as Milarepa said, "into the mouth of the dragon."  or when you feel as if you are poised at the abyss of insanity - jump. i finally understand surrender.  i am letting go and letting god.  ahh. such a relief that someone else is in charge.  he's my alpha.  i am his conduit to use as he sees fit for the betterment of humanity.  lastly, i hope to do it all with humor and toughen my skin to the haters.  i actually feel compassion with them, and would like to be noble enough to turn the other cheek, as Jesus did.  Janelle Monae has been crucial in helping me understand that it is okay to be fabulous.  see her marvelous video below.  i've watched it 100 times!  singing, clapping and dancing around my apartment like a crazy person.  do i give a shit what people think of me?  no.  i do not.  what freedom.

i love my readers, i hope you will join me for the ride! i promise the next post won't be so much pontificating.  we will have some fun with fashion!  xo