A Profound Week...or....I am My Own Bride

Hello my loves!  This is meant to be a quick update to keep you posted on happenings in my life.  I've had another profound week.  Experienced the whole gamut of emotions from excruciating pain throughout my entire body, a near death experience (I am not shitting you), so much puke, poop, barf and tears, I was cursing orifices!!!  So much humor, laughter...and so many tears.  So many angelic nurses...and a psychotic nurse.  I actually provided feedback to the ombudsman at the hospital.  I complimented those who did their job well - they don't hear it enough as we tend to complain more than compliment.  Don't know why this is, but it's stupid.  And in an effort to perform the work God has assigned me, also filed a formal complaint against a very mean doctor.  That was hard for me.  But I must do all I can to eradicate this type of behavior.  I must do my part to create a better world for my nephews.  I don't have any choice.  I am God's conduit.

Whew.  What a mouth full.  So much for a quick update, lol!  I had minor surgery Monday.  Had complications from anesthetic.  I met God.  His name is Dr. Park and he is Korean-American, I believe. And so, so gentle.  I asked him to marry me.  Had the nurses cracking up even before I was on drugs.  And I'm sorry to report that it was not possible for them to give me enough pain medicine.  Man, who knew the human body was capable of sustaining so much pain?  I guess moms do.  I didn't know because I've never had a child. Also made the angel-nurses cry.  So much love and kindness.  And then.  A brutally vicious, impatient and unkind nurse.  After all the love she couldn't have hurt me worse had she stabbed me in the heart.  In fact, a knife would have been preferable to her cruel treatment.

I was in the wheel chair and ready to go.  Sooooo ready.  I friggin' hate hospitals.  Lame, I know, but who does?  I just couldn't wait to get out of there.  I was there much longer than anticipated.  Had cell phone issues so couldn't reach my ride.  Cell phone would not work in the hospital.  Mean nurse wouldn't let me use land line.  Mean nurse wouldn't let me go outside.  Finally I said, "Am I a prisoner?"  No, she said.  Then I'm leaving.  I got up and I fully intended to walk home if need be.  I will never ever stand helplessly and let someone treat me badly again.  I've reached my limit.  I'm 52 years old.  I will not engage in meanness. From now on I will run from meanness.  Even if I love you.  Just cuz I love you don't mean I gotta take your shit.  If I love you and you love me, then it's on.  I'm gonna be good to you.  But I must protect my heart.  Can't do God's work if my heart is broke.  Hey Al Green and Smokey Robinson say it better than I ever could.

I got up to leave.  Mean Nurse said in a lazy-i-don't-give-a-shit-voice (look lady, I know you're tired and overworked, and oh yeah, you're the only one in the world in that boat):  I can't let you do that.  I did not give a shit what she could or could not let me do.  I can be a hot head.  I'm really, really stubborn.  Not kidding.  Sometimes God has to give me a blow to the head (that's a Monty Python joke), lol!

I said, "Are you going to call security?"  Not giving a shit what her answer was.  I was leaving.  Once my mind is made up...that's it.  Plus I was over-medicated.  She said no.  I said call the cops if you want.  Do what you gotta do, I'm doing what I gotta do.  I wasn't bluffing.  I was ready to be a 52 year old woman who just had surgery being taken in cuffs to jail - on the news.  My friend was from out of town, I was panicking that he had an accident.  In 30 years I've known him, he's never ever showed up late.  I was beside myself.

I left.  I walked.  It's only 7 miles home, so I was ready to walk the whole way if need be.  My friggin' cell phone is still not working.  I never have problems with that phone!  I only walked a couple of blocks.  Then God sent another angel, my sister-in-law.  She saved my life.  Again.

My loves, I'm getting a little tired and still have so much to tell you.  But I need to wrap this up for now.

Some wonder how I can prepare such long posts, and have been criticized for being too prolific.  Here's a confession:  the reason for large gaps on my blog is that sometimes a post takes me a week to write.  As is the case here.  If you're impatient and want a quick look at what's happening, I invite you to check out my Facebook page on the sidebar.  I do use Twitter to a lesser extent, but mainly for politics and trying to catch Prez Obama's attention, haven't succeeded there.  Yet.  And oh yeah, I'm an insomniac.  It's a gift.  And a curse.

Here's a boring update on my love life (or lack thereof).  A few weeks ago, I was excited because I thought I had found THE ONE, who sure took his sweet time getting here.  I even smugly reminded my readers that love comes in all shapes and colors.  Like paintings.

I was mistaken.  Oh well, not the first time.  Hoping it's the last.  He abandoned me at this crucial time.  I put his ring down the garbage chute.  I did it with love, not anger.  I thanked him for the lesson.  I told him, "See ya.  But not again in this lifetime."  I even laughed at that.  I laughed again when I heard the incinerator squash the ring.  Poor little innocent ring.  Thanks for serving me little ring.

Here's what I want to know.  Is there a player handbook?  They all say the same shit.  Heard it all before, but hopefully not again.  I stood there and said, next!  I didn't look back.  I wish I had read The Rules when I was a young woman.  I did read He's Just Not that Into You, but like I said, I'm stubborn.  I tend to be a slow learner.  Jeez.

I feel pretty good.  And am amazed at my strength.  A friend told me years ago that I aim too low.  Wish I had listened.  LG thanks for that.  I'd like to say to young women:  Don't settle and don't waste time with Mr. Wrong.  If you do, Mr. Right might not show.  You have to leave room for him.  Live your life, love yourself and take no crap.  Ever.  If you are a woman you are beautiful.  Period.  Not too tall, fat, short, skinny or anything.  We are all friggin' beautiful.  We just forgot it.

And hair.  Well, what does hair have to do with this?  Well, I think you already know I am obsessed with hair.  Usually after a break up I cut mine off as a symbol of my emancipation.  Remember this hair cut from a previous post?  Usually I'm not a fan, and I don't like hair cuts that involve shaving.  But....

Miley Cyrus sure wears that hair don't she?  I mean look at her rocking that hair and owning it.  No wonder she was voted most desirable by someone (Maxim?).  Gosh, wish I had known how cute I was back then.  Miley, you go girl!  'Course Miley's got a cute little face and a banging tiny bod.  The girl would look good in a potato sack.  Not so with me.  But ladies here's the point:  you are fabulous just by being virtue of being a woman.  Period.  The reason Miley is so popular is not just her good looks, it's her confidence.  There is nothing sexier than a woman who is comfortable with who she is.  So whoever you are, rock it.  Use what ya got.

Remember when Felicity (played by the adorable Keri Russell) chopped her locks?  Yeah me neither.  I've never been a TV viewer, I caught the show on Netflix.  I hate commercials.  Not a profound show, but a fun one about a girl with a problem we all need.  Two fabulous men in love with her.  She loves one, but he's not into her.  She lets him go to free herself from pain and cuts her hair.  This is a step almost all women have gone through.  Don't we all want to experiment with short hair at one time or another?  I read that when she cut her hair, her popularity plummeted.  How stupid.  I don't understand haters.

I think she rocks this hair.  Like Miley, Keri is so cute she could rock a potato sack.  She'd look good no matter what she does.  I've had my hair short, coupla times.  I don't feel pretty with short hair.  I've envied girls who can pull off the short platinum look.  But that's not me.  I feel more comfortable in long hair.  And it's bullshit that "older" women can't wear their hair long.

I'm growing my hair to my ass.  But I'm not doing it for a man.  I'm doing it for me.  I can do bad all by myself.  And I'm also okay by myself.  If you are bringing me drama and pain stay away.  I've wanted a ring for so long, I decided to marry myself.  After all, I love my company.  I'm fabulous.  And God blessed me with a great sense of humor.

Ahh Cher.  What can I say about my love, Cher that you haven't read, heard or said yourself?  But I gotta give it a try anyway.  How can a 70 year old woman rock purple and pink hair?  Cuz she's Cher and she's fab.  Cher, you go girl.  For previous post about Cher, click here.

No matter what, I love being a girl.  One of my favorite things right now is nail polish.  Luckily I can get the new funky colors at Dollar General - for - wait for it - a buck!  That's right I'm rocking periwinkle, another of my favorite colors - for a buck.  I married myself today in a lovely ceremony on my balcony.  My best friend, the tree, presided.  I don't believe in diamonds, so this is a 99 cent cheapy from Dot's.

Happy Independence Day!  That's right!  I am my own bride. Image by Peggy.  This is a pic from my art journal, which I plan to publish in the near future.  ( Blue ladies are vintage gift wrapping paper.)

Fuck the haters.  i learned that from Rihanna's instagram.  Warning!  Do not click on badgirlriri's instagram unless you like have nothing to do for, um, the rest of your life.  It's so incredibly addicting - even though she speaks a foreign language I do not understand.  I mean it.  I got so addicted I almost had to find an AA meeting.  But when I called AA, they didn't have a badgirlriri group here in Akron.  Yet.

BTW she is rocking those specs.  Don't believe for one minute that men don't make passes at girls with glasses.  Men make passes at all kinds of women.  Small, big, young, old, white, purple, pink and brown.  It don't matter.  The most appealing thing to a man is ........confidence.  Yep, if you are comfortable with yourself men will be falling at your feet.  And if you're not there yet, don't fret.  Fake it till you make it.  Don't take my word for it.  If you want a man, try it.  Heck if you don't want a man, try it.  Confidence is fun! Confidence is the new black (sorry).  I hate "the new black" metaphors, lol.

Happy Monday Dear Readers!  Hope you had a great weekend.  It's gonna get real on this bitch this week. Warning!  Not for the faint hearted.  I am working on a photo journal telling the story of my life.  It's an insomnia cure for sure, so not a total waste of time.  Some of it will be very graphic, and I hope that all of it will be funny.

I am God's servant.  I am humbled and honored to accept my new mission.  As with my paintings, I do what I do because I must.  I have no choice.  I am here to serve.  Please continue to send prayer requests and thank you for your prayers.  And always remember, I am fabulous.....and so are you!  xo