Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Photo Essay: this is how I do chronic, full body pain

Originally published 8/21/13


been a couple of rough weeks, heck as you know, it's been a rough - oh um like ah - 5 years!!  the good news is i am officially retired!  yay!  more time to blog.  i love blogging and i love my readers!  xo

last week had difficult procedures, but after 5 years am coming close to an answer on the strange and rare condition. i'm allergic to the doctor said i qualify for a bubble, but i'd be allergic to the bubble, lol. at the time he said it, i didn't think he was funny, but i do now.  tragedy + time = comedy according to my love, Woody Allen.

oh gosh, if only i'd listened to my friend the yoga teacher 20 years ago, i might not be in this boat.  i am the most stubborn person on the planet.  stubborn.  don't believe me?  look up stubborn in the dictionary, you'll see my picture (an oldie but a goodie).  for some reason God has to pound me over the head before i make any changes.  i learn everything the hard way.  hope i can help others not to be as dense as i am. can never judge a person's place on their path.  we are all on the same path - just at different points - and we will all meet there in God's time.  God has been reminding me lately that everything happens in God's time. not in Peggy's time......oh (she said in a teeny-tiny little voice).  God says, Peg, my love, don't be so hard on yourself.   i say dude, sometimes i wish you didn't trust me too much.  he laughs.  God has a great sense of humor.

i am waiting on an important call....trying to stay calm.  i'm on GT - that's right   God's time.  don't mean to hammer the point, it's me who needs to hammered sometimes.  gonna try to avoid that, last one was a doozey.

anyway, i am merely God's conduit, his humble servant.  if i accept the important work God has given me, with gratitude, then i am protected.  i don't have to accept my mission, we still have free will as we are co-creators with God, but God protects his warriors. that's right.  i am a Warrior of God.  and God speaks to his Warriors.  clearly.  everything works when all i do is listen and follow the signs.  on to less lofty things!  lol

i got to shop a little the other day.  wow.  what a joy.  between Dollar General and Dot's this loot was $5.00!  a small price to pay for feeling normal again for a few minutes.  guess how long it's been since i bought eye shadow?  5 years.  i always thought my eyes were my best feature, so i miss eye makeup.  it's fun.  like painting!  when i got these fab products home, i became upset because i dearly love glittery eye shadow and I wanted to play with it.  impossible.  not with my swollen eyes - too painful. Then it struck me.  I'll do a photo journal of me in pain from head to toe, feeling sad about makeup, but happy about my hair.  everything seems to be running at 50/50 lately.  more on 50/50 in a subsequent post.

I rebelliously put on the pink and the glittery eyes shadow and then smeared them.  The following pics are a statement of my pain and agony and loss and.....hope.  they are unretouched.  didn't want to be accused of photoshopping them.

yep i hurt from head to toe.  yep i have a pink extension in my hair.  thanks Haley!

that's right.  i have a bald spot.  haters say i should cut my hair.  i say fuck haters.  here i also have glitter on my lips.

a friend (so-called) told me i talk too much and that "they" (who are they?) are going to throw a net over me and take me to the funny farm. (there are none in Ohio, remember?  no money.)  he said i am too friendly and shouldn't talk, greet and smile at neighbors.  well I refuse to shut up just because you want me to.  this is my life.  i will decide.

wanna see how i do mid life crisis?  click here.  want more photos and less words?  then check out my urban photojournal.


Anonymous said...

Kudos to you Peggy for having the courage to Blog about this!! Love ya! Elena

Unknown said...

Peggy I know your hurting, but my lord your such a beautiful woman. I wish I could help take your pain away. (((GREAT BIG HUG)))

kim. said...

do your eyes swell when you wear eye makeup or yours eyes are always swollen so you don't bother with eye makeup?
you're so cute. and your hair is such a pretty colour. you really want to grow it to your ass tho'?

Peggy said...

Hi Elena! Thanks so much for reading! I used to be terrified about putting pics of myself on the blog. But I got so many emails saying put pictures on the blog that I decided to put pictures on the blog.

Also, as I mentioned before, Rilke is very influential in my development as a writer. He says write about you know. This is what I know. Love you too!

Peggy said...

Hi Jenn, you're so sweet. Thanks for always being so supportive. xo

Peggy said...

Hi Kim, my eyes are swollen all the time, as is my face, neck, hands. Turns out I'm not fat, but highly inflamed. Turns out inflammation is very dangers and is different than swelling. This is why I'm so hot all the time. I'm literally in flames (sorry bad pun, but it's true). I often wonder why my head doesn't explode. It feels like my head is in an even.

So yes my eyes swell, some days worse than ever. I was told not to wear eye makeup. It's not so much makeup that's the problem, as it is the application of the makeup. You cannot touch my eyes period. And taking the shit off is a notion! Rubbing my eyes even slightly causes excrutiating pain.

You know what a painful pinch feels like? Well imagine that your entire body feels that way. I mean entire body. Your eyelashes, your nose, your teeth, your tongue, he roof of your mouth, your ears....whole body hurts and in the U.S. they are so funny about prescribing pain meds.

This is getting to be a novel. You know I love your taste in jewelry, so bring it on. :)

Did you know that Closet Rivalry gets pinned quite a bit?

Thanks for reading!

Jessie said...

That makes me really sad that a "friend" would say that to you. Sounds like he isn't a true friend. Someone who really knows you well and is close to you would never say something like that. Or at least they shouldn't. I think it's a breath of fresh air that someone would go out of their way to say hello to people. I actually catch myself smiling at strangers all the time. I do it at work because I'm in retail, but I don't "turn it off" when I'm not working. :) It's just an act of kindness. People can be so negative!!!


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