Monday, October 14, 2013

Masculine Mood Board

Here's the story of my life.  I've been accused many times of being a lesbian. I'm not. I get hit on by women and I like women, just not that way. I'm not even curious.  I've never been with a woman in that way, and won't in this lifetime anyway.  Some guys do find me attractive, not sure why, but I'm grateful (hmm, maybe not so grateful afterall, keep reading).  Guys who like big butts tend to like me. I often riff on the Chris Rock you know it?  My version:  Thank God for guys who like women with big butts - they make the world a better place.  Not sure if I can make this joke ever again.

I'm beginning to wonder if there's a correlation between guys who like big butts and assholes? Just sayin'. Don't take offense. Just talking from my own experience. I don't know what it feels like to be treated well by a man. Think I'm going to become a Buddhist nun.

Wish I had been more selective in my youth.  Listen, girls:  hold out for Mr. Right!  You're a girl.  I know you enjoy your body and your sexuality, and you have a right to.  It's one of God's greatest gifts.  But....being a girl you are not purely physical the way dudes are.  Protect your tender heart, don't be a booty call.  Take the words from an old lady who's been there, done will get hurt.  Girls just aren't built the way guys are. They are perfectly happy with just the physical. We need much more.  Much, much more.  But it is strength, not weakness.  Don't let anyone tell you different.  If you are a woman - you are fabulous.  Period. Find a man to love you and get your freak on with him. Here's the remedy for a broken heart: vibrator, candles, bubble bath, chocolate and read this book.

Okay, what does this have to do with a mood board?  I know, my mind wanders. It's a gift and a curse.
So here's the jist.  I met a dude recently. Seemed so different. Had fantasies. Thought he was THE ONE. Wrong. Even thought I might be able to show up at the holiday parties at my families this year with A DATE. Can't remember the last time I did that. Years. Years, I tell you, not hyperbole.

Gave said dude benefit of the doubt. Warning bells immediately. Ignored. Lonely. I'm strong, but I still crave the arms of a strong man. And I'll admit it. On my bad days, I wish I had the shoulder of man who loves me. Apparently, it's not in the cards for me in this lifetime. I do feel sad, but focusing on art really helps.  Oh - and listening to Katy Perry like a zillion times. Actually thanked one of the playas (in my mind) from the past. Bad men teach good lessons, and make you strong. But you don't have to go that route. Follow my example. You are strong. No need to waste precious time on heart ache. Contact me if you need prayers or support.

Again, what does this have to do with a mood board, you may ask. Well said dude was like many I've met. Just wanted to get into my drawers. No interest in loving me, getting to know me or treating me right. Yeah, it hurts like hell. Even at my old age. Adding insult to injury, I'm mad at myself. I should know better. I can dish out the advice, but can't really take it. And, oh yeah, wazzup with my own arrogance? Who am I to give advice about men? I know nothing about them, and have failed miserably at trying to find one to be mine.

So, dude who wanted in my drawers was skilled at the game. Honestly, I think there's a player handbook. I could write it if there isn't. They all say same the thing. Said dude seemed a little different. Impressed me cuz he's a hard worker. Seemed to really like me. Has a nice house in the hood which needs some TLC. Pretended to be interested in my organization and design skills. Wanted to pay me to design his home to be more beautiful, streamlined and organized. Loved how simply and elegantly I live (or so he said while baiting his trap). Had some good vintage pieces, was gonna give me carte blanche - every designer's dream! Blue and brown his favorite colors. Wanted some ethnic pieces. Had some good vintage pieces including a blue vinyl sofa. Heaven! I couldn't wait to get started.
Masculine mood board by Peggy

The deal fell through. Dude didn't mean a word he said, just wanted drawers, doesn't even like me. Tried to crush my spirit. Mad at myself, but I learn quicker than I used to. The only thing to do in a situation like this ladies, is to cut him off. I feel really sad and disappointed. But, I'll dust myself off and keep going. What else can I do?  As you know, I've been fighting illness for a long time, and have been making strides everyday. What would possess a person to knowingly try to crush the spirit of someone so vulnerable? No sense analyzing like this...I don't want to understand that kind of cruelty. The only thing I understand about it is - well - that it should be eradicated to the point that it is incomprehensible.

Luckily, I have family who love me. My brother tells me not to give up. I don't know about that. In the meantime, I'll work on my own place. You may be surprised at my place. Really turning into a warm, cozy, romantic, dark little cave for winter. Reveal coming shortly. Hope to get it done in time for AT's annual color contest.

So the deal fell through.  It was a fun exercise, though. Even though I tend to think my audience is primarily female, I love designing for men. Especially if they are organization challenged.

Here's the boring deets if you are interested:  Clockwise from top row: 
1.  Twig lamp from Family Dollar, $12.00;
2.  Twig lamp from Goodwill, $10.00 and leather lamp from Goodwill, $5.00 (both would need shades and rewiring);
3.  wall colors:  accent wall pale silvery sage green by window;  dove gray rest of walls; 
4.  gorgeous white rum bottles from Target - expensive - but need something pretty on rolling cart;  pretty glasses and ice bucket are easy to find at Goodwill;
5.  witty little Buddha - CitiTrends, $3.00;  
6.  vintage cigar box, Goodwill $3.00 - was part of his birthday present so already gave him.  this is not a photo of the one I bought, which was totally fabulous - vintage from Bolivar in Ohio - with camels and temples on it - wish I'd photographed it! It's on his coffee table and he's storing the stuff he always loses: keys, remote, lighter, options can be beautiful!  And they help eliminate clutter. As you know, clutter just won't do!
7. turquoise curtains - in my collection;
8. fab blue bent wood chair - $10.00, Goodwill (shoulda bought this one for me);
9.  rug from CB2 - totally out of the budget on this project, but fab;
10. fabulous rolling cart, reasonably priced from VintageIndustries,Inc.

1 comment:

Greener Pastures--A City Girl Goes Country said...

You are a beautiful person inside and out. Don't give up on finding a partner. The right person for you is out there. You just have to find him. What are you doing to find him? If I was single, I'd be on all those dating websites. There are guys out there who are looking for partners just like you are.

Some people are just mean. There's also a biological element to it. The key is you don't sleep with him until you can ask yourself the question, "Does he love me and is he going to call me tomorrow?" and you know in your heart and can honestly answer yes. If you can bet your life on it. Then you can't be hurt. If you answered no, then you simply don't give yourself to him. If he really loves you, he will wait. If he doesn't, then be glad you weeded that one out. Waiting is a great way to test them. Listen to your gut and don't ignore the red flags just because you're anxious for it to happen! You KNOW. Now reach out and trust yourself. I know you will find a beautiful man just like you.


Blog Widget by LinkWithin