Saturday, September 28, 2013

A humbling.....


I have been in deep prayer and meditation for the last several weeks.  I went through a painful, rigorous self-examination where I discovered qualities in myself that I don't like.  I am endeavoring to eradicate these qualities. My goal is to live in a place of unconditional love and non-judgment.  We should never presume to know a person - we are each unique, complex individuals.  Each of us must bear our own burden.  We must recognize that everyone has a heavy load to carry, just by being human.  And by virtue of being human, we are each brave.  We can lessen the load for each other with empathy and compassion.  By doing so, we can make the world a better place.

I have learned to love my haters.  Some time ago, my son Luke told me he loves his haters.  I was astounded at his strength and wisdom, at such a young age.  We talked about Miley and Rihanna, and how strong they are. Indeed, said Luke, I thank my haters for making me stronger.  Also, if someone is hating on me, I know they are thinking about me and that I touched a nerve.  I pondered this for many long hours.  

Light bulb!  (as Gru would say)  Right.  If pain is a messenger to the physical body, then irritation or annoyance is a messenger to the spiritual or psychic body, not to be ignored.  Perhaps dealt with later when ready, but not ignored.  I've learned to pay attention when something makes me uncomfortable.  God is trying to get me to stretch out of my comfort zone (gosh I hate the term, so over used, lol).

Upon my emergence, I examined the email again.  I wanted to start a conversation regarding censorship.  I wrote the following on my facebook page, but received no response.  I find it perplexing that Americans are not outraged at the infringements to the First Amendment.  I hope you will join me in the discussion.  Remember, communication is sometimes difficult - but it doesn't have to be.  Don't be afraid to join in the discussion.  But I must ask, if you send me hate mail, own it.  No anonymous commentors will be posted nor responded to.


Dear FB Family, I'd like to start a conversation on censorship. I've been doing a lot of work on my blog, tyring to catch up. Like many bloggers, I am facing a dilemma of the direction to take. I'm an avid proponent of the First Amendment. Even if your opinion is wrong, naive, ill conceived.....I'll fight for your right to have it and express it.

So what of hate emails? Can constructive criticism, be just that - constructive? Or are the words constructive and criticism oxymorons?

Thinking about art classes, for example. Criticism can be given in a gentle, kind and supportive way. With sincerity and authenticity. I would argue, however, that simply to forcing your own agenda is not constructive, nor based in love, but rather fear. Fear comes from feeling defensive, and threatened. If I've threatened you by my recent writings, I do apologize, but...I'd like to humbly offer the following. When an issue arises that - for whatever reason - you are not ready to deal with. That's a message.

No judgment here. Sometimes when a nerve is touched, it's some time before we are able to process the message. Irritation is just that. A message. Much like pain. And it needs to be mediated on. The reason I have been in deep meditation and prayer over the last several weeks is a hate email I received, from someone I thought loved me. I do believe it was sent in protection of a person we love mutually, and I respect that. However, after deep meditation, I do not believe it was sent in humility and authenticity, but was aimed to hurt.

And hurt it did. However, as I was reminded in a previous post, if I am hurt, it's because I'm choosing to be hurt. I don't have to accept pain, fear, defensiveness from anyone. Not even those I love. And truth.....well truth just doesn't need defended.

I came to view the email as a technique used to silence me. And it was effective. I prayed for the writer, I was silent. Almost gave up my mission. Re-evaluated everything. I am even stronger than before. Also humbled, do not want to be arrogant or to hurt anyone. Want to love everyone. What I have is yours, if you want it or need it. If you don't want it, I won't hammer you over the head, I'll move on. But always in love. And there's no reason why changing the world has to be difficult work. We can do it with ease, humor, kindness and we can have fun! After all, each moment is a precious gift from God.

If you've read this diatribe. Thank you, and please accept my sincere apologies if I have been arrogant. Perhaps I need a humbling. I got it. Please continue to send prayer requests, and I'd like you to consider this:

Criticism - not aimed at mutual self improvement or higher learning - the kind that is used to silence. Is this not indeed a type of censorship? Is this not the type of censorship employed by the Rush Limbaughs of the world? By overstepping and intentionally using words as a way to incite, precludes the possibility of intelligent conversation. In fact, when we appeal to emotion, rather than logic, are we not trying to silence someone who makes us uncomfortable? And is this type of silencing censorship?

I believe it is. And I refuse to be silent. I will reconsider my approach, but I cannot stop now. I am God's servant.


If you've read this post, I thank you for your time.   If you'd like to check in on me during times of absence from the blog.  I can be reached at (Peggy Roberts 311.) (Love to all!  xo

UPDATE:  Peggy Roberts 311 is my Facebook handle.  I no longer use Facebook, it makes me unhappy.  If you'd like to follow my adventures during times of absence, I can be found at Twitter and Instagram @margiemax

1 comment:

Greener Pastures--A City Girl Goes Country said...

I have also been in meditation and "prayer" for the last few days. Also because of Facebook. Women who I thought were my friends attacked me viciously because we had a difference of opinion about the government. And attacked other people too. Like the president. Words were spewed like "nappy-haired" and "idiot" (me, not the president). I was hurt. And shocked. I didn't stay involved for long when I realized we couldn't have a real conversation so I suggested that we just agree to disagree. I never went back to the thread again but was informed by others that the attacks continued for many comments with much laughter about how they chased me away. Censorship is too nice a word for them. I was literally sick over it.

A blog buddy made me feel a little better by explaining to me that what was going on was tribalism. Understanding why, helped. But I've also had the revelation that I don't have to be "friends" with these people. If they can behave like this, do I even like them? Why let people into my FB home, because that's kind of what it's like, your home--I post pictures of my actual home, pictures of my Nana, thoughts and dreams and worries--why let them into my home if they are not a real friend? Or at the least, a kind person? Why make myself that vulnerable? You don't have to have the same opinion as me. The blog buddy who explained the tribalism actually has somewhat different political beliefs than I do, yet we have interesting, intelligent conversations. You have to be civil if you are going to come into my home, or into my life. I need to guard my happiness. Therefore I am unfriending everyone who attacked me and all the people who have posted obnoxious, mean comments in the past who I have been afraid to contradict with facts, and even the one who didn't say anything bad about me directly during this online fight but who was egging them on behind the scenes and who hurt me the most since she has been a guest in my real home where I fed her and treated her like a family member. So I'm getting rid of them. I felt major relief once I made this decision. And I went about my day spreading joy, complimenting strangers in the supermarket, bringing my doctor peaches, smiling at anyone who looked my way and appreciating the loved ones I have around me who are true friends. I'm sorry you have gone through something similar. Let's try to move on and spread joy.


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